Nonsense Cookerature: How to Make Your Very Own Hiccamistrid Fanfic
by ChaMeleonNinja812
Summary: A simple, easy-to-serve-and-prepare recipe on how to prepare your very own Hiccamistrid fanfic. Success is NOT guaranteed and your attempt might very well end up in flames more often than not. Don't like Please read! Read and Flame please! Compliments are not allowed! Thank you.
1. Chapter 1

How to Train Your Dragon belongs to Dreamworks and Cressida Cowell. I own only this recipe and my worldly possessions.

This recipe is meant as a joke. Please do not, under any circumstances, take this seriously. This recipe might be offensive to some people, and I, as the writer, would like to apologize beforehand:

 _ **SORRY.**_

Pishyou, sit back and enjoy.

How to Make Your Very Own Hiccami(?) Fanfic

Thou shalt require:

1 ooc movie!Hiccup

1 ooc Astrid

1 ooooooooooc Camicazi

100 packets of jelatin sheets

1litre warm water

a handful of unlikely events (the unlikelier the better)

1 cup of badd riting skeels

2 tablespoons worse grammar

3 teaspoons badd spaling

1 overactive imagination

a tonne of 13-year-old rabid female hormones

* note that this recipe does not require anything that remotely resembles a plot.

 **Step the one:**

First, prepare the jelly mixture. Heat the water over your Flamehuffer dragon until it starts to boil. Then, take it off the heat and add your jelatin sheets. Stir well for 5 minutes. The mixture sholud have a jellous consistency.

 **Step too:**

Add your ooc Astrid to the mixture. Stir until well combined. The result should be a jellous ooc Astrid. Set this aside for later use.

 **Step tree:**

Introduce your ooooooooooc Camicazi to Berk. Make Hiccup look happy about the arrival of his " childhood sweeetheeaart / beeeest friieeendd". Astrid will, of course, be jellous.

 _* Note: Your ideal oooooooooc Camicazi should have 'long straight glossy blond hair falling over her back' and 'pearly white teeth' and, if desired, a 'curvaceous figure'. *hurk* Not to be confused with a politically incorrect suicide bomber._

 **Step for:**

Add everything to a pothole in the road. Whisk briskly using your bare hands, making sure that the badd riting skeels, worse grammar, and badd spaling are evenly distributed.

 **Step faif;**

Spoon a generous helping onto your fanfiction website of choice. Garnish with an irrelevant cover picture if desired. Serve. And by 'serve' I really mean 'shove this repulsive mess into the face of some random unsuspecting passer-by'.

 _*The author of this recipe wishes to apologize for any harm dealt to your mental and emotional wellbeing, your retinas or your ego.*_

 ** _THANKEE FOR READING_**


	2. Chapter 2

_Greetings person who is equally interested in wasting their life as I am._

 _So, I changed the title of this fic to a much more suitable one, as I realized that I wasn't being fair to the Hiccstrid shippers or the Hiccami shippers._

 _Eh. Whatever. Anyways, I got bored and decided to try out this fantastic recipe for myself._

 _In case you donkeypits couldn't figure it out yet, HTTYD belongs to Dreamworks and Cressida Cowell. Not me._

 _This abomination will be mercifully short, thank Thor._

 **On with the show!**

So liek one day in BErk it was a nice sunny day and the teens were like just like hanging out sumwhere and then HIccup got a letter it came by dragon mail and he wus like: 'whos it from' and it turned out it was frum the bogburgers say their heir Cmaicazi woll came to visit BERk and Hicup wus leik:"yay" but thrn Ostri wus like all jellous and stuff bcuz Camibarbie waz like HIccups CHILDHUD SWEETLIVER **(A/N: What? Liver and heart are pretty much the same right?)** an so she waz jellus and BARbiecazi cam she had like flaxen golden shiny long blonde hair like gold and pearly whit TEETH and wuz su pritty so Ostri was Jellos bcus she wuz su HAWT and so Ostri wuz like:'fight me u suk" and Barbie was like;'yeasuhre' so they gut oot their sword and x n stuart fitin but then Hiccup said:

" Hey let's go get some bagels."

So they all went to get bagels.

The end.

 _Hey. It's me ...sorry you had to see all that. I'm sorry if I made your eyes bleed. I guess I owe you an explanation._

 _So,_

 _The Explanation_

 _Well, you see, Camicazi is one of my favorite characters from the book. Problem is, almost all the fanfics I've seen her in portray her as really sl*tty or shallow or bland or just plain annoying. It's like she just exists for the sake of existing. I bet that those people who write those stories haven't even read the actual books._

 _Their Camicazi is Astrid's rival, a shallow,annoying, sl*tty little brat._

 _The Camicazi I know (and love) is a cheerful, cheeky little burglar with lots of spunk who (although she won't admit it) worships Hiccup (the ginger one, not the auburn one) as her senpai._

 _If you are one of those people, please. Don't. Use my name instead of hers or something._

 _Spread the Camicazi awareness._

 _Don't be a donkeypit._

 ** _1 flame=1 prayer_**

 ** _Please flame._**


End file.
